I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
