It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
