i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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