So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Text me some of your sweat
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