It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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