It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
