Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
