dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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