I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
