Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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