remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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