if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
