WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
