I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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