I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
