my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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