I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
