How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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