I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
