i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
