I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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