All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
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