last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I wish you could order shots online.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
