Swine flu. Run for my life!
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
