Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
