Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
