You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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