a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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