Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize