we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.