I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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