Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm eating all of the evidence.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
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She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
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Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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