so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
