All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
