doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
