I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
