Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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