if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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