woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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