Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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