I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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