AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
