Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
