i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
