i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
