so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
