This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
