i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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