She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Someone signed my nipple.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
