SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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