How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
it's great music for shaving your balls
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
