i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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