She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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