everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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