The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
vagina is talking i cant
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
