I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
