she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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