ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
