so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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