i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
