If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
you had me at cake vodka
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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