dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
