i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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