some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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