Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I currently don't understand fingers.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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