she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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