Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
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