For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
