fuck your aforementioned shoe
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
