I'm really into asian looking animals
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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