ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
