Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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