im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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