I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
