At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
