Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
