How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
