Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Text me some of your sweat
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
