Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He is an equal opportunity slut.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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