That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
