yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
