Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
