FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
